


Remember Me

by shstarr



Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Alternate Universe, Dragon Age: Inquisition Spoilers, F/M, Mages and Templars, My First Fanfic, Romance, Work In Progress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-13
Updated: 2015-10-11
Packaged: 2018-04-14 10:54:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4561842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shstarr/pseuds/shstarr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my twist on the events of Dragon Age: Inquisition where the female human Mage is actually from the Circle in Ferelden when the Fifth Blight happened.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alright this is my first fanfic and this is loosely based through the events of the game so there will be SPOILERS. I would love feedback and suggestions so that I may becomes a better writer and expand my knowledge.

~1~  
How many times did she wish? How many times did she dream? How many times did she wake up feeling empty and alone? How many times would she see a ghost of her past when all it was just a mist of the Fade or an unknown person who had the same curly blonde hair? All of it didn’t matter now as she sat there on her knees in a puddle of some kind of putrid gunk in the bottom of who knows where dungeon with two hard faced women circling around her. The Lyrium bindings on her wrists chaffed even as the stranger glowing green mark seemed to defy the idea that the chains were supposed to nullify magic. It hurt more than getting the tattoo around her right eye. The dull ache rivaled any muscle cramp she received when learning how to handle a staff for both magic and whacking things.

They were arguing and demanded answers from her. What could she possibly tell them what happened and how she was supposed to save her own neck? She was pretty sure they knew she was an Apostate. That was plenty for them to kill her judging by the symbol on the dark haired woman’s armor. She wasn’t a Templar but she knew the Seeker insignia. That was even worse. Just what did happen? Her left arm was suddenly lifted up roughly with the mark on her hand bursting with green light placing the woman’s face in a harsh reality that this may be her last moments on this earth.

“Speak! Where did this come from? You were the only one we found alive after the destruction of the conclave!” The dark haired woman thrusted her arm back down and reeled back causing Kiah to flinch back ready for the contact. But the other woman rushed in and pulled the other back.

“We need her, Cassandra!” Her voice soft with an Orlesian accent.

Not wanting to be hit again she finally spoke up looking at them both to be in complete loss to why they were upset with her. She was just a lowly mage, no one special. “I…I can’t!” She flinched again when the one named Cassandra drew in before the other stopped her. Could they be telling the truth about the conclave she was just at? Could all those people be…dead? “I don’t understand. How can all those people be dead? What happened?”

The woman with the hood and strawberry hair turned to her making an effective barrier between her and Cassandra. “Do you not remember anything?”

Kiah looked away from them as she frowned trying to remember but it was all fuzzy and she could only make out pieces. “I remember running from…things. Maybe spiders? And there was a woman…she reached out to be…” She shook her head and looked up seeing the expressions on their faces. Maybe she wasn’t going to die after all.

“Leliana, go towards the foreward camp. I’ll take her to the rift.” Cassandra moved to help Kiah up who watched her change the bindings to something not as bulky but she could still feel the Lyrium sting against her wrists.

“Where are we going?” Kiah asked stumbling a little as the feeling in her legs come back.

“It is best if I show you.”

The walk lead them to the large wooden door opening to a snow covered village which she believed to be Haven. Kiah remembered stopping here for supplies before heading up to the conclave. But it didn’t have a sickly glow of green glinting off the snow scape then. Frowning she looked up and quickly moved her bound arms to shield her eyes from the brightness of the swirling maw within the very sky. It was frightening to see and knowing that right below it would have been the conclave.

“What is that?!”

Cassandra turned to look at her showing a small glimmer of sympathy. “That is a rift. We call it the Breach as it is the biggest we have seen or heard of. When the conclave explosion happened, it ripped into the sky creating a tear into the Fade.”

Suddenly sparks of green strike out from the sky as maw suddenly shifted and expanded even wider. It was a momentary distraction as pain shot through her body from the mark on her hand feeling like she had just but struck by a lightning spell so intense her muscles spasm and she cried out in pain. Kiah pulled her hand in tight to her body trying to control it while sinking to her knees. Her lungs burned which reminded her she needed to start breathing again and try to keep from passing out.

Cassandra moved in close showing concern while pointing to the Breach then to her hand. “Every time that happens, the Breach and your mark grow. It has been happening every hour now. It may be the key to stopping this, but we are running out of time.”

Kiah glared at Cassandra pulling back from the offered hand. “You still think I’m guilty! Why would I help you?”

The dark haired woman sighed, “I know you didn’t do this intentionally but you are the only suspect we have found. If you want to redeem yourself then this is the only way.”

Unable to argue with her on that point Kiah relaxed and allowed Cassandra to help her back up. As they walked through Haven the hard looks and shouts directed at her were very unnerving and she even tried to hold back if it hadn’t been her captor’s instant push on her back to keep her moving. She could see the blame and hatred in their eyes and the random cries for justice.

“They have already decided your fate. They need someone to take the blame as we mourn the loss of our Divine Justinia. The conclave was hers and her desire as our own was to find a way for peace between the Templars and Mages.”

Kiah couldn’t fault them on that and remained quiet not allowing them any purchase to have more ammo against her. They came upon a bridge where Cassandra moved to undo her bindings watching her closely. “Before we go to the Breach, we are meeting up with scouts who have found a smaller tear. We will see if you can help by tackling something smaller. Follow me.” Kiah rubbed her wrists though she wondered if she could just run when the Seeker was busy or distracted. Looking up at the swirling clouds and the hole revealing the Fade beyond. No she couldn’t leave and be able to sleep knowing that was in the sky. She needed to see if she could fix this somehow.

Crossing the snow covered bridge to follow the trail up the hillside, all Kiah could think of as how all of this could even happen. Sure the skirmishes between the Templars and Mages were heated and people died but there could be no way someone could raise so much power to rip the sky as it was now. As they drew closer she could see streaks of green coming from the Breach which worried her could they possibly be unless it was really the very heavens raining down their might on them. This had to be some kind of doomsday scenario that the Maker wasn’t happy how His creation turned into. What else could it possibly be?

She was so deep in her thoughts as they traveled ever closer towards a ruined fortress that she did not see the blast of green heading towards them until Cassandra pushed her back from crossing another bridge as it exploded on impact sending them both tumbling down towards the frozen river below. The landing was not easy as she laid there feeling the air slowly returning to her lungs and her head hurt. Touching her face she could feel something sticky and pulled her hand back seeing bright blood. Hopefully the hit wasn’t too serious as Kiah climbed back to her feet looking over to see the Cassandra fared better even as the woman was pulling her shield around and drawing her sword.

“Stay here, I’ll take care of the demons!”

There were a lot of demons that showed up and even though she knew Cassandra was a Seeker of Truth, there were too many for one person to handle alone. Maybe she could cast a few barriers…her eyes spy a staff laying in the rubble and she quickly moving to scoop it up and spin it around herself to send out a shot of fire towards one of the Hunger Demons that was coming up behind Cassandra effectively getting its attention off the Seeker and to come after her. She wasn’t afraid as demons were simply creatures outside their world. The horrors she witnessed before her training was finished were worse than these.

The fight was won only to have the tip of a sword become leveled with her own nose as the determined dark haired woman looked stern. “Put down the staff.”

Kiah glared back holding onto the weathered wood more firmly. “And allow you to take on all these demons yourself? Be reasonable. I am here to help remember?”

She could see the inner turmoil within the other until she finally sheathed her sword with a sign. “There is no way I can protect us both. I apologize for the mistrust. Let’s go.”

They ran into more demons along the way which were easily dispatched with their combined skills until they crested over a broken wall to join in another fray with a dwarf and another elf apostate. She didn’t have time to even rest when her hand was suddenly taken hold of by the male elf and he thrusted it up towards the small tear. Power seared up her arm along with pain as she clenched her teeth to keep her palm pointed until the very breaking point which she gasped and pulled away by wrapping her fingers around the tendrils of power connected to the rift and pulled as if pulling the strings of a stitch closed. It exploded in a shower of green until it faded away leaving her weakened but rather happy she is able to help.

Kiah moved to sit down on one of the square blocks while listening to the little spat between Cassandra and the dwarf who went by the name of Varric. They almost acted like a married couple which she couldn’t help but smile at the scene. Then the elf piped in saying his name was Solas and he was the one who had kept her alive when she had been found.

“Oh I have you to thank it seems,” she smiled which rewarded her with a slight bow from the bald headed man.

“It was a challenge to my abilities but I am glad they did not go to waste. Speaking of which, would it bother you if I took care of that cut on your head?” Solas asked curiously.

Kiah nearly forgot about it as she reached up feeling the blood was still seeping from the cut. It is a wonder she didn’t feel dizzy. Could be the adrenaline from the fighting. She smiled to him and shook her head as he moved into to take a closer look before calling in a bit of healing magic. Then she looked back over to the two who seemed to have calmed down. “How much farther?”

“Not very far if we hurry I doubt you would want to keep the others waiting at the top. Maker only knows how they are faring.” Cassandra replied seeming to be ignoring the looks from Varric.

A tingling sensation settled over her as her body felt so much better than it had been since she first woke up. Glancing over at Solas he only gave the slightest of head tilts which told her he had placed a rejuvenating spell on her to help recover from whatever she had gone through. She will need it and more for what she will have to face up near the Breach. “Alright, let’s get going. We have waiting around long enough.”

“Right behind you, Bluebird.” Varric replied cheerfully.

When they reached the remains of the conclave Kiah couldn’t even put into words on the destruction she saw. Her companions ran with her to the center where the soldiers that were left formed a circle around them as demons seemed to just pop out of thin air. Her body was screaming at her as she struggled to get closer with the mark on her hand sparking madly racking pain through every nerve. Unable to take anymore she stuck out her hand to the sky as the ribbons of magic connected with a force that would have thrown her back if she didn’t brace herself.

Sweat poured from her as she gritted her teeth. It felt like she was trying to stand in the middle of a wind storm that pulled and pushed her in so many different directions. She fell to one knee still forcing more power into the rift even using her own reserves. She couldn’t allow this to happen when there was a chance she caused it. It had to be fixed, to be mended while she still drew breath. When the very peak of the climax was reached, she wrapped both hands around the slithering green bands and pulled with all her might. The explosion threw them all back as she laid on her back vaguely aware of her surroundings.

The Breach was still there but it was much calmer and she could no longer feel it trying to eat her alive. The last thing she remembered seeing was Varric coming over and then yelling at someone in a muted voice that she was alive, then everything went dark.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So... I am putting my own twist to this after having to refresh my memory on the Lore of the game series. In this case the family name of this little Mage is just a distant relation of Hawke which I will make a mention of later. Let me know what you think! <3

_“Kiah what are you doing out here? You are supposed to be inside doing your studies. If the Templars catch you…”_

_Kiah turned to look at her friend Ilah and his worried expression as they both would end up in trouble as usual given they were out in the greenhouse attached to the tower they called home. “If the Templars catch me? You will be in just as much trouble as I’ll be you know.”_

_He looked so concerned but she really didn’t care as she laughed and tucked Dawn Locus bud into her rich black hair. Besides she was here for a reason. She wanted to get caught because she knew who had guard duty here today._

Kiah groaned as she struggled with the sleep that clogged her mind as the Fade slipped away taking her memories with it. She wasn’t ready to wake up but the people talking around her were making it hard to keep that idea straight in her head. One voice stood out more than the rest and it sounded so familiar that she was having a hard time placing it. 

“You know her Commander?”

“Yes but, I was told she died….”

Why did they have to talk so loud? She turned her back to the noise enjoying the nice soft fluffy surface she was sleeping on. She didn’t remember the ground being this soft. Maybe they will let her rest a while longer before they head back to Haven. Just five more minutes is all she wanted. The draining of her mana reserves had been more than even during her Harrowing which seemed such a distant time.

“What is her name? Because of the Circles being destroyed and ransacked, my agents are having a difficult time finding records.”

“Kiah Amell.”

_Kiah Amell….._

_“Kiah! I told you several times already. You need to stop coming out here without an instructor.”_

_She looked up and smiled brightly at the young face of one of the newest members of the Templar Order. Their relationship couldn’t be any more than a Mage and a Templar, but deep down they both held each other in a special part of their hearts._

_Cullen…._

Groaning Kiah rolled onto her back feeling as if a Druffalo sat on her. Her mind was still trying to wrap around the differences between her dreams and the reality of what she had gone through. Why did she have such vivid dreams of when she was younger within the Ferelden Circle? Of course she knew she had been thinking about her little crush since the Mages banded together to stop the injustice that had been served to them. But to remember one of the happier moments? And why did it sound like he had been right there beside her during that period of coming awake before falling asleep again? It had to have been a trick, he was across the Waking Sea last she heard. No possible way he would be here. The last memory she had of him was too painful for her to be that hopeful. He hated Mages. And she couldn’t blame him.

Slowly sitting up she noticed an elf carrying a box who suddenly was spooked and dropped her to her knees trembling while muttering about something about telling she had been sleeping for three days after the attempt on the Breach which was still in the sky. Wait, three days? She had been out for three days?

She moved to stand up which brought the frightened elf to her feet and moving backwards towards the door. “Lady Cassandra and Chancellor Roderick will want to know you are awake. She said, ‘At once’”

Kiah took a step towards her trying not to seem too eager to reach the trembling girl. “Wait! Where is Cassandra?”

The elf moved quicker towards the door seeming to have trouble even opening the door in her haste. “’At once’ she said!” And she bolted out the door which was left ajar in from her need to leave. Kiah was about to huff how the elf reacted being no one special until she saw people actually drawing around the building until the soldiers moved to block them creating a lane down the middle. Her eyes nearly popped out of her head as the door slowly shut on its own accord leaving her within the comfortable building.

Slowly she crept to the window and peeked out trying not to be seen only to have them all stare right back at her with looks on their faces which made her a little fearful if she tried to even step out the door. Maybe that is why the soldiers were there for. Were they still angry that she wasn’t able to close the Breach? They finally wanted blood, it had to be it. There was no other answer she could come up with. Maybe if she waited long enough Cassandra would come and save her. The woman seemed to understand that in the end she was not the guilty party. Chancellor Roderick was a pompous ass from what she remembered when they tried to reach the Breach and that was fun to watch.

Ducking back inside she looked around before down at herself to notice she was wearing clothing she doesn’t recall owning which was fine except the strange inkling of wondering who was the lucky bastard to have seen her naked. Sighing she walked over to the box the elf dropped and noticed there was Elfroot spilled on the floor. It must have been used to help her heal. Placing the leaves back into the box she carried it to the table in the room and looked back to the door cringing.

She couldn’t hide in here forever. Reaching for the door she had no idea her hand was shaking until now. It took a couple of tries until she was able to fling it open and keep her face calm even though she wanted to run. As she passed by the villagers they began whispering with a hushed awe which was creepier than being hated on. Kiah paused to turn a small circle looking at them with confusion as one spoke the words that startled her into moving again.

Herald of Andraste.

Was this just another dream to trick her? She was no holy person. No one in their right mind would accept a Mage to be the image of the Chantry. When she was well past everyone save for a couple of soldiers still saluting her, she touched her arm and pinched herself hard through the fabric with a wince. To her disappointment, this was all real. Now she really needed to talk to Cassandra to find out what was going on. Maybe there was something in the water and people were flying higher than the dragons this was ridiculous.

Coming up on the Chantry, those that serviced the building were all outside as well with their own gossip on how the others of the same group seemed to have forsaken them as heretics. She felt a pang of sympathy as she knew the feeling well. When the rebellions started, she told her fellows that she wanted nothing to do with it and yet she was forced into it for the mere fact of survival. A lone Mage was a prime target in the world now. They could just be crossing the road and be labeled a Blood Mage or worse.

Upon entering the building she felt the tension in her shoulders ease which made her aware of not even having any. The incense floated in little white clouds where the golden containers hung on the walls with the almost hypnotic crackling of the torches casting shadows and light in a dance that spoke louder of how the heart of a being is in order to keep balance. Normally there would be a peaceful silence that was accompanied by the one who had been chosen to repeat the Chant of Life for the people except she could only hear the muffled argument as she went in further inside. It seemed that her imprisonment had only been delayed with the Chancellor still pushing the issue while Cassandra was defending her involvement and impending freedom which warmed Kiah’s heart.

Taking a deep breath she opened the door and stepped inside. However the moment her foot was cross the threshold the Chancellor instantly called to the guard within the room to throw her in chains. Her muscles tightened ready to fight but Cassandra dismissed them much to the man’s dismay. That was fine with her though. A trip to the capital would have not been her first place she wanted to go in the dead of winter here. However they continued their argument even as she drew closer trying to make sense of everything herself.

“But I’m no one special! I don’t understand why you are so in tuned to wanting me to be this chosen person. I can’t even remember.” Kiah exclaimed with confusion while looking at them.

“The Most Holy called to you for help, no?” Leliana asked.

“I…I don’t know.”

Cassandra sighed and looked to Chancellor Roderick pointedly. “I know what I heard at the Temple. Someone else caused this and they may have allies that still live. She stays with us until this threat is over.”

The Chancellor sneered, “You have no say in any of this!”

Cassandra moved to grab something from the table against the wall and slammed it down on the table in front of them before pointing at it. Kiah frowned as she took a closer look seeing it was a rather large tome with an eye wreathed in flame. “Do you know what this is?” Kiah had no clue but she could see the man seeming to draw back from it. 

“A writ from the Divine, granting us the authority to act. As of this moment, I declare the Inquisition Reborn.” The Seeker advanced on Chancellor Roderick which forced him to move backwards losing ground which was not lost on any of them that his word was no longer wanted nor was it needed for this to happen. “We will close the Breach, we will find those responsible, and we will restore order. With or without your approval.”

Kiah wasn’t sure what to make of all this as the man retreated leaving them in the room. The silence stretched while they looked to the book as Leliana explained that this had not been the first time. Which she knew of because of the history lessons back in the Circle. They didn’t want the Mages to forget what happened when the Imperium had finally crumbled. She thought of all type of things she could say with some also including of her refusing to be any part of this. Sadly she couldn’t find a reliable excuse that would even work. She was part of this the moment she dropped out of the Fade whether she liked it or not. Plus it was safer here with them than dealing with the crazy people outside. One person why try to ask for a blessing being this savior while another could come up and chop her head off.

“Well! This is a stranger turn of events. What’s for dinner?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright sorry it took so long to get this one finished. Life got in the way as we all know it likes to do when we are busy enough with entertaining others. Alas it is here and please enjoy as more will be coming with less hiatus hopefully. :3

Cullen stared out over the small section of ground he claimed to train the men and women who came to their cause. It was more like refugees who lost their homes from the fighting between Mages and Templars. Not like he was complaining since many of them showed some skill being either hunters or even upholding the law within their small communities. It took a lot for him to keep from wanting to find the bastards who took young children from their parents or even the other way around. Too many people seeking help while they barely had room to hold them all. Hopefully with the new direction Cassandra was taking them, they will be able to change the future of things.

His honey eyes glanced over the tops of the tents towards the main gate into the village spying Varric coming out with a woman of black hair. His heart stopped when she turned to look around knowing who exactly she was. He missed out on the initial greetings having been out on patrol, but he could never mistake who this woman was. Cullen overheard the nickname that Varric gave her and approved since she brought a calmness with her as well as a touch of mischievous air that would cause many to break out in laughter. He would have wished the Mark had been cursed onto someone else and yet it was her and in a way he wasn’t surprised. She had a knack of being places that were dangerous.

Memories began to crop up causing him to clench his jaw and turn away to stare at his charges while they ran through the simple movements of swordplay. No he will not allow this to overcome him after so long. He was here to make a difference and right what had happened both in Ferelden and Kirkwall. This was not the time or place for this. He thought he lost her before and now this was his chance to once again to be her sword and shield. Would she accept him? It had been ten years since he had last seen her. Cullen still regretted not taking that moment to kiss her as he should have. The last night of true happiness he experienced before both their lives were torn apart. Maybe it would be better to keep that distance going. Maker’s Breath he wanted to hold her.

“Cullen?”

Coming out of his thoughts he held his breath before slowly turning around almost fearful for the expression that might greet him. The moment he met those startling blue eyes, his mind froze, his heart screamed at him, and his body took a step towards her before he could stop it. She looked just the same as that fateful day though older obviously. The tattoo around her right eye was new though it drew attention to her eyes rather than away. It was the first thing he noticed when first seeing her at the Circle. There had been many shades of blue but none of them matched hers.

He gave a pleasant smile with a bow of his head. “Good to see you up and about again, Kiah. I heard the ordeal with the Breach left you completely drained.”

Her face for a second looked confused though she smiled which made his heart flutter at the memories of other smiles she gave him though this one seemed to be not as innocent. “Again? You thought I would be in a different state?”

Realizing what he said he floundered while reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Uhh… well you see I didn’t know you survived what happened in Ferelden. And of course I was told someone survived the blast that destroyed the conclave but I had no idea it was you. So yes?”

Kiah’s laughed while shaking her head. “Still clumsy as ever with your words I see. But I can see why you would think that. I did survive if only barely. I stayed on to help where I could with the Blight even though they transferred many of the younger charges to other Circles. They needed people to help with potion making and enchantments almost fulltime so it was only right after Lady Cousland went through the trouble of saving us.”

“I’m glad to hear you were able help. And here you are in the thick of things yet again.”

“Unfortunately it seems. I had no intention of course. Just another Mage bystander.” She replied with a shrug then looking around at the others. “So I hear you are in charge of the Inquisitions forces. Long way from being a Templar greenhorn.”

Cullen made a smile while glancing to one of the runners coming up with a report which he took and glanced over it. “It seemed fitting since I was there when the rebellion started. I felt I could do more good here than just hiding away and pretending nothing happened. I owe myself that much for not acting sooner.” He trailed off as he signed off what looked to be a supply order that needed his input on a few things. He wasn’t sure how much Kiah had heard about what happened in Kirkwall, but he wasn’t exactly ready to give those details. Looking back to her as he handed the report back to the runner, he simply shrugged. “Besides I wasn’t that inexperienced back then.”

The smirk he was rewarded made his cheeks feel a little too warm despite the wind chill blowing over the snowy landscape around them. Maker’s Breath, if she was as impish as she was years ago, he was going to have issues. He just hoped no one else saw it. Last thing he needed were rumors going around about the possible relationship he had with her past or present. Not that such an idea would be unwanted. “Anyway, the recruits we have gotten will be the bulk of the Inquisition’s forces. Any agents you recruit will help with the more direct or indirect issues we may face.”

“How are the troops anyway?” Kiah asked while looking the men over.

Cullen was relieved for the change of subject as he took on a sense of pride for those that have come to follow them. “We are small in numbers which suits our purpose for the time being. Where some lack in skill they make up for it in spirit and the willing to learn. Many believe you are the Herald and like Cassandra I haven’t discouraged it knowing how much faith can tip the balance in war.”

“True, though I am curious to know what the Commander thinks of these rumors. Do you believe that I am the Herald of Andraste?”

Those blue eyes turned back onto him pinning him to the spot where he stood. This had to be a trick question. No matter how he would answer she would see it differently than his words. If he denied it then it would be a hole in his devotion to the Maker which she knew about. If he accepted her as this figurehead the others have labeled her, she would see it as idolizing and not seeing her as she truly was. Cullen’s mouth went dry when she gave a small smile as if she knew what her question was doing to him. Devious woman! He seriously believed that she enjoyed doing this to him just to watch him squirm.

Taking a deep breath he returned her gaze hoping that the words he was about to speak would satisfy her without ruining him completely. “I have always believed you to be a remarkable woman Kiah. Whether you are the Herald or not depends on how you represent yourself to the people. If they need to place their faith behind you for feats that have otherwise been deemed impossible, let it be that and not the other truth that could come about. I would rather see you hold the shield of Maker then be condemned as a possible Tevinter heathen who has attempted to reach the Black City once again.”

He waited as she took on a curious look on her face from his admission. Every word he said was the absolute truth. Mages were already getting a bad reputation on their own. He did not want to see the one he fell for ten years ago to share their fate. If taking on the mantle of Andraste could save her long enough for the people to see that there is still some good left in the world, he would place his sword and shield to their command.

“Thank you Cullen. It warms me greatly to hear you say that. I have doubted all of this even through the hours of staring at the Mark on my hand. Life had been so simple back at the Circle of Magi. Now…it still feels like a dream on the edge of becoming a nightmare. I needed someone to tell me that what I will be doing is for the good of the people so I don’t become a monster.” Kiah reached up to touch his arm before turning away and walking back through the gates of Haven.

Had he truly just cross through fire and came out of it unscathed? He didn’t even stutter once through the entire thing. He should reward himself for that feat though if he did his usual way Varric may end up with new material that he would rather keep to himself. He did know one thing, he had never seen her walk away with such confidence in the space of time he had known her. Even back in the Circle she held herself in a way that now he would have not allowed her to do so if he had known how things would turn out. For now, he would support her choices as much as possible and give advice if she asked it of him. Deep down, he wished he was able to travel with her as one of her companions. Sighing he turned back to the men and buried his feelings to take on the task he had been entrusted with. Cullen refused to let her down a second time.


	4. Chapter 4

This was crazy. Absolutely bonkers. Give a Circle mage the leading role and come to find out, they have no clue at all on where they were going. This was Kiah case. She had never been outside the Circle Tower since the moment she set foot into the place when her powers surfaced. And here she was walking through outcroppings of stone to find a possible place to set up an Inquisition camp. Problem was, they had already made one and she was just trying to get back to it now that darkness was coming. She had been given a map of the Hinterlands which was rather pretty to look at. But to put that into use? She may as well had been looking at a crude of Andraste and miss the real Andraste actually standing in the same pose right next to her!

She should have allowed Varric or even Cassandra lead them around while she tagged along behind with Solas. The comfortable silence the elf gave was something she was used to. Not this clanking around in armor looking for trouble. The few groups of Templars or Apostate mages were easy to overcome for the most part though some of them sure did put up a decent fight. Even though she trained to be a Storm Mage, she really did not enjoy watching people turn to ash from being struck by the bolts of lightning at her command. Not all mages enjoy the power they wield. Kiah happened to be one of them.

After a time of wandering she started to notice that Varric was taking a passive approach to leading the small group which she quietly followed picking random plants she recognized to be useful. Eventually they made it back to camp just as the first stars started to appear which a relief to her since traveling during the day was bad enough. The sad part however, she instantly retreated to her tent to hide knowing her companions would want to ask her questions on how they should proceed in the morning. The solitude didn’t last as long as she liked when she heard someone clear their throat before the flap parted revealing the rogue Dwarf carrying to bowls of what looked to be stew.

“Thought I would find you in here. I’ve brought dinner if that works as a peace offering.” He gave her his famous crooked smile while hefting up one of the bowls. Not like she could say no since her stomach was more than happy to accept his gift.

“Alright Varric, you can come in.” The Herald moved over on her cot to give him room to sit down beside her while taking the bowl of stew off his hands. They ate in comfortable silence while listening to the sounds outside the tent of the soldiers shuffling or jingling by with a few muttered words. It was a rather calming night which she knew there wouldn’t be very many the further into this journey she started on. It still felt very surreal for her even the hours spent after going to bed just staring at the Fade green mark on her hand.

“So what is going on Blue Bird?”

Blinking she came out of her thoughts to look at Varric who looked a bit concern. “What are you talking about?”

“Earlier today. You were fine and did rather well when on the outskirts of Redcliffe but once we started out looking for more rifts you claimed up. Then we started going nowhere and everywhere. Did the map not help?”

Kiah let out a heavy sigh turning her eyes down to the empty bowl feeling caught in her pretend world of knowing what she was doing. Maybe it was a good thing that Varric stepped up to call her out on it than Cassandra or even Solas. He seemed easier to talk this out than the overbearing presence of the other two companions in their group. “I’m sorry Varric I really am. I’ve lived in the Circle Tower most of my life and never traveled anywhere unless it was with others.”

“Others as in the Templars, which I’m sure they did most of the decision making I wager.” He replied.

“Exactly, so you can see why I’m having difficulty with this,” she paused to look at him half expecting a look of annoyance that their so called holy messenger was incapable of walking through a bit of landscape. She was a bit surprised to see that he had a gentle smile as if he knew exactly how she felt. He wasn’t a mage so how would he know? Then she remembered him talking about the Deep Roads and could see a connection between the two. “The map is nice but when someone just hands you something in a different language and expects you to be an expert, it doesn’t make it any easier.”

Varric chuckled while reaching up to pat her on the back. “I have been there a few times. And I’m sure the others have as well. You aren’t alone in this fight. It might seem like it with everyone expecting you to put the sky back together, but you have us to rely on. Do you really think we are any wiser than you at this point?”

She had to admit that when it put it like that it sounded rather silly. Looking back on recent history she could see that he was right. The Hero of Ferelden had people she relied on, even Hawke had her people. So why did she think she needed to do this alone? Maybe to prove something to others or herself. But what was there for her to prove beyond being a bloody miracle of surviving the first blast? “Alright Varric I will start asking for help when I need it. I guess I owe the others an apology for all this running around.”

The Dwarf shrugged as he reached over to take her bowl from and stood up. “You can if you think it is needed, just remember one thing Blue Bird. We all make mistakes.” He gave one last smile with a slight bow of his head as he left her alone once more in the tent.

Damnable rogue was right but she still felt she needed to say something to make up for her bring stubborn about the whole affair. Standing up she moved to the flap of her tent and pushed it aside to look out seeing that all three of them were sitting around the cooking fire finishing up their dinners. It should be easy right? Just go out there and sit with them and say sorry then get on with living and fighting. At least she hoped it would be that simple the moment she felt herself moving towards them catching the edges of the conversation which of course was about her and her wanderings.

“….the plants will be plenty when we get back to Haven at least.” Solas replied to whatever it had been that Cassandra spoke of first. “Ah Herald, come join us.”

The calming tone made her a little more leery to what they had been saying though Varric’s encouraging smile eased her fears as she took a seat on a moss covered rock. Kiah rubbed her hands against her thighs wiping the sweat off that seemed to have collected on her palms. Just get it over with and be done. If they hate her for it then they can just try and close the Breach without her. _Yeah just keep telling yourself that._

“I uhh…wanted to apologize for my behavior today. I should have spoken up sooner. Living in the Circle didn’t present much of a chance for traveling the world. It would be greatly appreciated if perhaps someone could teach me how to navigate or at least not get lost as often?” She looked at them with hopeful eyes.

“See Seeker? I told you there was nothing to worry about. Though I found the wanderings rather enjoyable personally.” Solas gave Kiah a small smile before giving Cassandra a rather firm stare down.

“I was simply stating that perhaps one of us should be doing the scouting around tomorrow to give the Herald time to find her niche, Solas. No need to be snide about it.” Cassandra replied defensively.

“Well while you two enjoy your argument I believe I will offer my skills to help with this little hiccup.” Varric shook his head as he pulled out the very same map in which Kiah could have sworn was still in her pack. He must have taken it out when she wasn’t looking. He looked to her and grinned with a wink, “Told you it wouldn’t be as bad at you thought. Now let’s get down to business. This is where we are at and this is where we need to go. And these are landmarks….”

The mage moved closer to see the map better in the firelight and bit her cheek trying her best to understand what he was talking about. This was going to be a long night indeed.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just a little twist to what happened within the Redcliffe Castle

So here she was, standing in the middle of Redcliffe looking at the castle on the other side of the bay attached to Lake Calenhad. The plan to take control of the mages out from under the Magister Alexius seemed simple enough if there hadn’t been any time magic in the mix that is. Dorian Pavus proved that point easily enough. Kiah didn’t fully trust the rather witty Tevinter mage and yet here she was, putting such trust in him that they will all come out of this alive somehow. What bothered her the most is how easily it had been to pull Grand Enchanter Fiona out of her grasp just when she had spoken to the woman a couple weeks before in Val Royeaux. It was truly baffling that even with the explanation of the entire affair being told to her by both Solas and Dorian, she still got a headache.

Glancing around the market place she spotted the scout who was to be the lookout for when the forces were ready to take the hidden passage inside for their back up. The man gave her a nod which told her enough in which she looked to Iron Bull, Dorian, and Sera who all gave her their own little quirks to show they were ready to storm the place. Something was bound to go wrong, plans this easy usually do. It would explain the butterflies in her stomach that wasn’t completely contributed on how wrong this place felt compared to being on the outskirts of the village where the Veil hadn’t been twisted around with experimental time magic. If they didn’t do this now, she would just end up chickening out and head to get the Templars which was something she didn’t want to do knowing they would look down at her for being who she was.

Heading towards the entrance she watched as Dorian disappeared from view having no idea what the mage had up his sleeve leaving her with Iron Bull and Sera to meet up with the servant who greeted them just within the main doors. Her fingers itched, feeling the thinness of the Veil here and almost able to see flickers of the Fade just at the edge of her vision. This place was barely holding together with little more than paper and string. Having discuss the reason why she wouldn’t be going any further without her companions the servant allowed them passage and they entered the throne room spotting Magister Alexius sitting on the throne where the Arl should be at. It was an insult to see him there looking so arrogant that her hand twitched wanting to grip her staff and turn his hide into a burning crisp. Bull’s hand lightly touched her shoulder in a silent warning that her mask was slipping.

“It is so good to see you again –and your friends—come let us finally discuss the arrangement we can make in order for my mages can help you in your little crusade.” Alexius beamed.

“Are we mages have no say in this matter?” Fiona asked while sounding shocked.

“My dear, you should have thought about that before you turned them over to me for your protection. Since they are under my care, I will be the one in choosing their purpose.” The Tevinter was just oozing with charity that Kiah was feeling a tad ill. “No then, down to business. What is it that you offer me for their services hmm?”

The Herald sneered, “I offer you nothing since you will give nothing. I fair trade I feel considering the events that led up to this moment.”

Alexius’ face gave nothing away save for the smallest twitch at the corner of his mouth. “Brave words coming from a thief.”

“Thief? You call me a thief? What is it that I have stolen from such a high and mighty Tevinter snake?”

“Quaint as ever are the manners of the Ferelden people. Since you did not come to bargain I guess this charade is done. You, child, have stolen my Master’s mark. The Elder One will have a great boon for me if I rid the world of your filth.” He stood up approaching her which she noticed the companions she brought with her moving into position to block his path.

“I haven’t stolen anything! And who is this Elder One that demands my life?”

“He will be the new God that will shame your Maker and leads the Venatori to victory! Your Chantry will fall to the ashes in his wake once he ascends to the Black City. Venatori take this heretic to the dungeons to be presented to the Elder One!” An arrow whistled through the air behind the group to protrude through the forehead of one of the men standing guard who then toppled over to the stone floor without a word. “What is happening?!”

Soon the others were overtaken by the Inquisition soldiers they were able to sneak into the castle just as Felix moved to grab his father’s arm. “Please stop this madness Father!”

“What are you talking about? I am doing this to save you. The Elder One can save you.”

“I think you better listen to what your son is telling you Alexius. All this rubbish is just going to go tits up in the end.” Dorian came around one of the pillars surprising the Magister.

“Dorian. I gave you the option to join me and here I find you helping these up starts. Well if that is the way it is going to be then let us see how you handle this!” He pulled out an amulet just as a sickly green glow came from it to follow the sudden appearance of a swirling vortex of doom.

Kiah pulled her staff out shouting at the others to stay back just as Dorian leapt in front of her swinging his staff smacking Alexius hard enough to disrupt whatever he was doing. The last thing she remembered was feeling an explosion of power with some kind of suction pulling her right off her feet before landing into a pool of foul smelling water. Groaning she slowly got up feeling a little dizzy seeing that Dorian was there with her as well who was acting as if he just got everything he wanted for his birthday.

Their solitude didn’t last long with guard came to see what was going on. They were little match for two trained mages so when it was over she finally had a chance to look around where they ended up being. It looked like a dungeon though where at she wasn’t quite sure. What frightened her was the enormous amount of Red Lyrium just sprouting out of the walls. Every part of her body wanted to crawl inside of herself just to stay away from it remember Varric’s warnings. There shouldn’t be this much around them, how was this even possible? After a moment she realized she was supposed to be listening to Dorian’s rambling and caught on when he came to the conclusion that where wasn’t as important as when.

“Wait, what do you mean by ‘when?’ Where is when?”

Dorian laughed though she did not find their situation in the least but amusing. “My dear girl that is what I mean we need to find out. Where is fascinating, but not as much as knowing when. See when is where Alexius was trying to do. If he were to erase you from time completely then you would not have been there to spoil this Elder One’s plans. But since I disrupted the spell, the magic went wild and thrusted us into where as well as when, understand?”

Kiah must have been making a face to cause the Tevinter’s smile to falter. She barely grasped magical theory as it is. Throw in time magic and you may as well be discussing impressionism art to a Nug. “Can we just find a way out please? This place makes my skin crawl.”

“Of course I believe one of these fine gentlemen had a key on them. Let’s see if we can find anything about our predicament and if we can find a way back.”

“Now you say ‘if’, you mean to say there is a chance we are stuck here?”

“Nothing is for certain yet so let’s be hopeful. Otherwise this will be out new home and I would very much like to not have it glow so much.”

The first person they came across was Bull with his beer counting song. She didn’t want to know if the three hundred number was in the middle of his tune or the beginning of it. Seeing him in the cell with a rather large growth of the Lyrium in there with him made her heart wrench. Stepping closer with her hands moving to unlock the door, the red glow surrounding him was very hard to ignore. However when he turned around at the sound of the latch coming undone it was far worse. Within his good eye she could see bits of the glow having crystalized within his iris as well as a fine coating on his impressive horns. She had to bite her tongue while opening the door for him to come out while going on about having seen them die while Dorian countered with the actual truth of what happened.

The mention of a Demon army having taken over Orlais when the Empress Celene had been assassinated was a frightening truth on how far gone this future went. One Demon was bad enough, but a whole army of them? She shuddered with her gloved hands holding onto her staff more tightly. This cannot be, she couldn’t allow this to happen. He mentioned that Sera was also here in another part of the Cell Block but seemed to hesitate when asked if there was anyone else they needed to find. It didn’t matter as Dorian said that if they can get back none of this would happen. It sounded cold even to her ears even if it were true. Something to keep in mind at least as she pressed on to find Sera.

Finding Sera gave her a more depressing imagery with the young elf girl seeming to recite a rhyme with difficulty. Upon seeing Kiah she nearly panicked in not believing they were truly alive. The mage tried to defuse it by joking about coming back to haunt but it just made it worse so she stayed quiet while Dorian just made the girl even more confused in mentioning magic.

“Look do you want to stick Alexius with little revenge arrows or sit here trying to figure out how willows whip?”

No one spoke for a moment not sure about the sudden blurt from their leader before Sera finally agreed while stepping out of the cell to gather up her gear. “Commander Cullen always said you were missy fire pants.”

“I don’t use fire for the thousandth time—wait, is Cullen here? Where is he?!”

“Nope I said nothing! Let’s go bash faces!”

Why did Sera say such a thing? Was Cullen really here? Oh Maker please don’t have that be true. The image in her head made her feel cold. Those soft brown eyes would be hardened red globes. Would his hair have little crystal shards glittering from each strand? Bull was trying to draw her attention to go back up the way they came but she wasn’t paying enough attention as she peeked into another Cell Block to see if there were any other survivors. And that is when she heard the soft murmuring of the Chant of Light.

“I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Fade. For there is no darkness, nor death either, in the Maker's Light. And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost…”

The voice was familiar even through the harsh guttural effects that the Red Lyrium had done. A voice she knew well for it had spoken those words before within the Chapel at the Ferelden Circle of Magi. Fear gripped her heart and yet her steps pushed her towards the very last cell in the back of the room. She didn’t want to see what twisted creature that would be left of her close friend. The foulness of this place would not be kind even as another verse was whispered to the silent air.

“Maker, though I am but one, I have called in your name. And those who come to serve will know your glory. I remembered for them. They will see what can be gained, and though we are few against the wind, we are yours….”

The sight that greeted her tore at her very soul. Sitting on the floor was Cullen. He had been stripped of his armor wearing nothing but an old tunic and trousers. Lyrium was growing straight out of his chest as if he had been thrusted down onto it. His eyes were indeed the glowing red orbs she had seen from the others. But this, this was too much. Her dear friend, her first and only love suffering. Quickly she moved to unlock the cell door seeing him turn his head to the sound before she nearly threw herself toward him as she let out a sobbing cry.

Strong arms wrapped around her waist to pull her back from getting to close to him in which she reacted almost violently by kicking and prying the hands from her even though they wouldn’t budge. “Don’t touch him! Who knows what that Lyrium will do to you if gets in your skin!” Dorian was the one holding her from getting any closer and she knew he was right even as he body went limp with the sobs making a mess of her face as he gently placed her on her knees as close as either one of them dared to get.

“Kiah? Is that you? Oh sweet Maker, you are alive! I prayed for so long to see you again before the end.” Cullen sounded very weak even though his expression had a warm smile.

“He isn’t going to last much longer. I’m surprised he survived this long as it is. Let him speak what he has been wanting to say.” Bull replied softly.

Sniffling she did her best to return the smile with her hands reaching out to him several times only to be stopped by Dorian. Cullen did the same thing which Bull repeated the action for him. So close and yet a blighted barrier still kept them apart. It will always be like that. Mage and Templar, there will never be such a union.

“When they told me what happened I didn’t believe them. I couldn’t believe it. Andraste picked you to be her voice. How could the Maker allow such a thing to happen? But I knew I was right. Someday I would see your sweet face again. Even after a year of this torture, my prayer was answered. Now I can go to his side and await you there. Will you speak the Trails 15 with me Kiah like you have before, one last time?”

She gave a small laugh knowing in the past she used to tease him for such devotion. And now it seemed that it was the only thing that kept him going. If they can stop this future from happening, she will throw herself at him apologizing as many times she possibly could for the trouble she gave him. Soon their voices joined together to speak the verse sounding strong as a whole just like before:

“Though I am flesh, Your Light is ever present, and those I have called, they remember, and they shall endure. I shall sing with them the Chant, and all will know, we are Yours, and none shall stand before us.”

He looked to her one final time with that boyish crooked smile that pulled on the scar of his lip as the light slowly faded from his eyes. “Remember me….”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chant of Light verses taken from here: http://dragonage.wikia.com/wiki/Chant_of_Light_verses


	6. Chapter 6

The Inquisition returned from Redcliffe after bringing the Mages into the fold as allies. Cullen disapproved the choice knowing that giving them so much freedom was folly but he wouldn’t go against the Herald’s wish for such a change. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad and the Templars that had joined them instead of the order can stop looking for boogey monsters around every corner. That was the hope he had knowing that his dear friend was as much a risk as the rest of those she brought back with her. That included the new man she had brought into her Inner Circle. Dorian Pavus had skill but the Tevinter sure did have a high opinion of himself that sometimes just listening to him made his eyes roll.

And this happened to be such a time. After the troops settled in with their reports recorded he saw no sign of Kiah beyond the moment she gave her report to Leliana and Josephine. He hadn’t been there for it since he was caught up in keeping the peace between the men and the Mages with added precautions just in case things got a little hairy down the road. When he went to find her to hear her side, he got an earful of Dorian explaining to people the horror that was seen. And yet when Cullen came into the line of sight of the Tevinter, he seemed to have changed the subject rather quick. The Templar read what Kiah wrote and also from the others and yet something wasn’t be said, like the reason why she had holed herself up in the cabin she had been given for her quarters.

Finding the break he needed he pulled the tan skinned man to the side of the Tavern and pushed him up against the wall a tad bit too rough than he intended. “Alright you know why she won’t come out and refuses to speak to anyone. What happened in Redcliffe that turned a happy go lucky Mage into a mute?”

Dorian pulled out of his grip before smoothing out his outfit which in Cullen’s opinion had way too many buckles, says the man who wore armor every waking moment. “My dear Commander that is no way to get my attention if you are looking for a good time. As for the Herald, I truly wished she hadn’t been the one to be pulled into that nightmare. Do you honestly wish to know what happened that she is refusing to allow others to know about?”

The way the question was asked worried him even more. All of what he read or heard was horrific enough. What could possibly make it worse than that? “If I am to safe guard her from herself and others I must know.”

“Oh is this the Templar speaking because of her skill in magic or someone who actually cares about her wellbeing?” Dorian asked thoughtfully.

Cullen chewed on his cheek wondering if there would be a safe way to answer this even though he knew the answer. Rumors would be bad enough with such a small group as they were. The risk of Kiah falling apart at a crucial moment is great to ignore. “…Both.”

“Oh. Well then let us go where we won’t have any prying ears. I have only briefly met Varric and he already is eyeing me for one of his tales. I would rather not have this enter into any of his books.” Dorian had looked rather surprised by his answer when he turned to lead Cullen back to the collection of cabins where Solas was staying as well as the Apothecary. Entering the one on the left, Dorian motioned to the cots near the fire for them to sit on.

“You know most of what was said about Iron Bull and Sera in that future correct?” Dorian inquired with Cullen nodded in reply trying to keep himself calm for whatever that would be thrown at him.

“Well they weren’t the only ones we met,” The Tevinter hesitated as he leaned closer resting his elbows on his knees with hands clasped loosely in front of him. “Connor was there for one, we watch him burn himself alive to escape. Not something done lightly as I am sure you know well of.”

Cullen frowned, “I have heard of such things but never witnessed. Burning from normal fire is bad enough, but magical flame? That is harder to put out since water is useless.”

“Exactly so you can put the pieces together that this so called future isn’t one we all would live happily ever after in. I know I wouldn’t the decoration alone left much to be desired. The other person we saw that the others tried to stop from being seen was…” Dorian paused to take a deep breath and turn those grey eyes towards him with a look so serious that Cullen could feel a cold sweat breaking as his own breathing stopped. “She saw you.”

The sandy haired man nearly choked on his own spit when the words refused to leave his lips to confirm what this Mage just told him. If he put together the state that had been described between Iron Bull, Sera, and Connor, how bad was the shape of this future self was in? Looking to the fire with its rather cheerful flickers of flame, he tried to imagine and all he could see was the anguish his beloved friend would have been in. The thought of her having shed tears for his sake wrenched his heart and stole away his steel strong will in that moment. The sounds around them were muted with the dull roar of his heart thumping in his ears even as the comprehension came to a stop.

“What—“Cullen stopped to swallow a few times to bring moisture to his suddenly dry mouth. “What happened?”

Dorian sat up while moving his hands to rub against his thighs. “You were an absolute mess. I had to stop her from touching you since I had never seen red Lyrium before and did not want her to taint herself with it. _Fasta vass_ Cullen, you had it growing straight out of your chest! And yet you looked as if you were the luckiest man alive when you saw her, I was actually envious.”

Without even thinking, the Templar moved his hand to rub at the breast plate he wore as if he could actually feel it. From what the War Council learned about this red Lyrium from Varric he couldn’t even believe how much pain he would have been with it growing through his body. And yet the admission of his reaction to seeing Kiah in such a dire moment, it erased the imaginary pain and fear as he knew it would have done in that moment. “Then what happened Dorian?”

“You expressed how you knew you would see her again that it was almost romance novel material then requested she recited the Trials 15 together. When that was done you gave her a winning smile before saying—“

“Remember me.”

“Wait how would know that? If you knew then why am I telling you this?” Dorian asked in confusion.

Cullen smiled softly feeling an ache in his heart knowing those words all too well. Even during the dark times of recovering from the Ferelden Circle being overrun as well as the time in Kirkwall, he always hoped she would remember him. Having left so suddenly without a word to her, it was his one and only regret. “No Dorian I had no idea this happened. Thank you for telling me however. I can see why it has affected her this way. Perhaps someday I will tell you why I knew what my last words to her would have been.” Now he needed to speak to her and make sure she was truly alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to express my gratitude to those of you that have chosen to follow my story as well as the Bookmarks. It makes me feel wonderful to know that my day dreams are welcomed and enjoyed by others. Thank you so much and I can't wait to see more. :)


	7. Chapter 7

Three days after what happened and Kiah still couldn’t sleep a full night without nightmares leaving her screaming. She nearly died in a little scuffle with bandits when she couldn’t react fast enough that resulted in Iron Bull taking a hit which should not have happened. It was decided that she would return to Haven while the others continued on to finish the minor missions that needed to be done for the farmers in the Hinterlands. She was in no position to argue knowing they were right even though she wanted to be part of the group to stop that future from happening. Sadly her vote fell on deaf ears and with an honor guard of scouts, she was sent back with strict instructions from Sera that no funny business was to happen in sneaking back. Fine with her, she couldn’t even keep her eyes open on the trip back.

So here was the great and mighty Herald sitting in her cabin like before with a few bottles of cheap wine she took from the tavern. One was already empty beside her with a second one being worked on. She wasn’t allowed alcohol back in the Circle so it didn’t take much to get drunk. The Mage sat on the floor in front of the fire staring into the flames feeling her vision blurring which is what she wanted since passing out meant no dreams it was the only way she could think of that allowed her to keep sane otherwise the images of Cullen chasing her with those glowing red haunted eyes became too much knowing that it was the Fade playing them over and over for her. And to think some perverted demon was getting its kicks out of her suffering just made it worse.

People have come by to knock on her door, all of them were ignored. They didn’t seem to understand the working of her depressed state meant she was entitled to drink herself into a stupor. She had plenty of food stashed away as well as wood to keep her comfortable. Couldn’t the proclaimed Herald have a vacation? What was a vacation anyway? She knew the actual definition being a learned individual, surely people don’t actually travel around to visit places just for that and come back to normal life. Pretend nothing exists outside that boundary then come back from a dream that would eventually fade with the rest of the memories. When all of this Breach crap ends, maybe she will try her hand at this vacation idea.

Another person began to pound on her door with a little bit more conviction than anyone else had done previously. Kiah simply made a face no one could see and pulled the blanket she held around her up over her head then took a long drink from the wine bottle. She nearly choked however when the door actually opened having forgotten to lock it when she returned. Clearing a throat a few times, death apparently wanted her as the voice that accompanied the intruder made her go into a coughing fit of breathing the wrong way.

“Maker’s Breath, are you alright?” Cullen came into her view before kneeling down beside her with a hand on her back lightly thumping it to help clear her air passage. She gave a pathetic smile with a nod which caused the ex-Templar to relax with a softening smile. Kiah took note that he wasn’t in his usual armor tailoring which made her curious as to why that was. Did the Commander of the Inquisition army allowed days off? He still wore the fur collared coat though it was over a simple brown tunic. Upon seeing that tunic, the memories of the possible future popped into her head causing her to turn away unable to look at him and simply stared into the fire.

“I uh, wanted to talk to you when you came back without the others. Then Leliana told me you holed yourself up in here and refused to talk to anyone.” There was a pause as she could feel him shift his weight to actually sit beside her. “I’m surprised that the door was unlocked.”

“I forgot to lock it. I’m just as surprised no one else figured it out before you did.” Her voice sounded hoarse even to her own ears. Eyes still refusing to look to the man who owned the images within her head. “What was it you wanted to talk about?” Hearing a clinking sound she dared herself to glance over seeing him pick up the empty bottle to examine it with the light and shadows from the fire casting on his face. He looked worried and even a little scared which was not a normal expression she was used to seeing. Well there was what happened at the Circle, but this expression was indeed different that it pulled her out of her cloud of misery. “Cullen? What’s on your mind?”

He sighed and placed the bottle back down then looked to her, “I had a word with Dorian after you returned from Redcliffe. I had to know what happened because your report as well as his seemed as if more happened that you weren’t telling. I truly did not wish to pry but you looked awful and you weren’t yourself.”

Kiah laughed softly before she could move her hand fast enough to hide it which rewarded her with a confused look from him. “I’m sorry I forget that you can pick up my moods better than most given our history. I thought I was hiding it well enough, continue please.” She didn’t want to hear the rest knowing he more than likely found out the truth.

Cullen began to go through the conversation he had with Dorian with her sitting quietly staring into the fire listening to the words being spoken. It was strange with him retelling it and hearing the range of emotions coming through. They were good friends ten years ago which was a rare thing inside Circles since it had to be kept secret so others wouldn’t feast on it for their own uses. They had come up with different phrases to express themselves when in the company of others when it had just been a little game at the beginning. Most of the phrases came from the Chant of Light with their meaning to be interoperated however the passage was meant for in that moment. It could be why the ones spoken in the possibly future resonated do strongly within her for what those words meant before compared to now. Lives were destroyed that day and those two words were simply a string to tie themselves together through memory as they parted without saying good bye. Now they mean something different and she knew this. And yet, the true meaning was lost on her until the time will present itself to reveal what it is meant to be.

“It took me some time to realize that what this man was saying was true and even longer knowing that you had witnessed it as well. Maker’s Breath Kiah, you saw me die! I even surprised Dorian when I said what I said then. Judging by his reaction he didn’t know what they actually mean besides the obvious so I gather you didn’t tell him.” Cullen sounded just as flabbergasted as she had been.

Silently she shook her head feeling her cheek wet from tears once more reliving the moment through her mind but with his recounting words vibrating throughout her being. Dorian left out the actual conversation which she was thankful for. “I…couldn’t at the time. All I wanted was to get back and fix everything. He did ask me again about it but I still couldn’t. It is our secret what it means it didn’t feel right to tell another.”

“Which is why I didn’t tell him either. Kiah please tell me,” He reached out resting a hand on her shoulder drawing her attention to him. “Kiah? Why are you crying? Please don’t cry for me, I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He pulled her into his arms where she broke down clinging to him as the sobs raked through her body.

“I can’t stop seeing your face that I have nightmares. Nothing I do works. Brews and tonics have no effect on me.” Kiah buried her face into his shoulder with his strong comforting arms holding her while rubbing her back. She could also feel his cheek against the top of her head with what she believes to be his own tears but that could just be a random sensation. The scent of armor polish and leather came from his person, a soothing smell she was familiar with since all Templars had that smell. And yet there was something in it that made it unique to him, there was a spice blending it together with just a hint of the soap he used for bathing. All of this made the man she became very fond of and cared for and it was now working to help calm her. She didn’t want to part from him with her hand moving to grip onto his coat.

She wasn’t exactly sure how long she stayed in his embrace until she came to the realization that her cries had stopped and the gentle rocking of her body. Glancing to the window she could see the faint glow of torch light against the growing twilight. He would have to leave soon but she didn’t want him to leave. Maybe he could help stave off her nightmares. With his Templar abilities perhaps there was something he could do to cut off her connection to the Fade even for a brief time. “Cullen?” Her voice cracked to almost squeaking which caused a tremor from her Templar companion telling her he thought it was funny. Good thing one of them could still laugh.

“What can I do for you, Lady Amell?”

Normally that formality he sometimes slipped into annoyed her. Tonight it just made her feel happy for the first time in the past four days. “Would…would you please stay here tonight? Sleep with me?”

The sudden drawback of himself stung just as he moved her to arm’s length looking shocked at her request even with the bright blush spreading over his rather handsome features. “I…I don’t think that is wise. It will make people talk, and…and…”

The Mage still being held by his hands smiled before giving a hiccup of a laugh taking one of his hands into her own enjoying the warmth he held. “Relax Commander. I’m not asking you to do that. I just need someone here until I fall asleep as least. And maybe you can suppress my connection to the Fade so I can actually get a decent night’s sleep is all. Though, I wouldn’t mind if you laid down with me at least.” Her eyes shifted away with it now being her turn to blush. “The bed is big enough and…better than sleeping on the floor.”

“I think I can handle that request, Herald.” Cullen smiled softly and got up pulling her with him. 

Moving to the bed he motioned for her to get in first before he joined her laying on top of the covers though still wrapping himself around her in a protective cocoon. Slowly she could feel her power being drained away. Normally it would have frightened her since it was also draining her strength. This time she gladly welcomed it as her eyes close allowing herself to fall into a dreamless sleep surrounded by strong arms and the soothing scent of polish, leather, and spice.


End file.
